Kapiolani Community College
Diamond Journal 2004

The Stranger
Steffani Mullen

In life I have learned that even when you think you know someone really well, you may just discover that they’re not who you thought they were and maybe you’ll find out that you don’t know them at all. I learned this in an incident that I had with an ex-boyfriend. It all began when I was looking for my birthday gift, the expensive Gucci watch that my father had bought me for my birthday. It was the only thing I was really looking forward to. It was mid-June and my birthday is in July. I had gotten the gift a month earlier and had picked it out at the jewelry store with my father. Even though I already knew what it was, I decided I was going to save it for my birthday so that I had a great gift to be excited about.

I had been looking for it for several minutes and was beginning to panic. I began rustling through everything and had to force myself to breathe and calm down a few times. How could it have disappeared? I had it in a little hiding place in my closet and had taken it out to admire it only a week earlier. The thoughts and possibilities began to race through my mind. I came across the idea that the only person other than me who knew where it was hidden was lying on my bed. It was my boyfriend and although he was the only one who could of taken it, I pushed that idea out of my head quickly. I couldn’t bear to think that he would do something like that to me when I cared about him so much. So I convinced myself that I had lost it and that eventually it would pop up and I would then feel guilty for thinking those terrible thoughts about him.

Two weeks later, our house was broken into and my mother’s valuables were stolen. The thief had broken in the same way that I always snuck in whenever I was locked out of the house. The thought that Kyle was the only person who knew of my secret entrance popped into my head, but again I wouldn’t let myself believe that he would do something so heartless and low. Kyle came to my house that night unusually jumpy and acting strange.

“ Babe? Lets go. The cops are looking for me,” he said. “My grandma just told me that they went to her house asking if I was there. She said they put out a warrant for my arrest for a probation violation because I never met with my PO.”

I was becoming suspicious. “ I guess but I should wait until she makes the police report before I leave,” I replied.

I looked real hard at him and into his eyes; I was looking for a change in expression or a flicker of guilt so that I could determine whether he had been the one who broke in. He gave me a look of shock and confusion.

“ What? Why is she making a police report?” Kyle asked with concern.

“ Cause someone broke in the house and stole some stuff and so she called the cops and they said they’d be here in an hour or so,” I told him.

“ Oh, that’s messed up,” he responded. Well, I’ll come back for you later then but I’d better go before they come cause I don’t want to get arrested for violation of probation and be sent back to jail. I’ll come back then.”

I watched him drive away and was left wondering if he was just a good liar or if I was just out of my mind for thinking it might have been him.

Later that night he did come back and he told me to go with him and cruise. It was then that I noticed him being very flagrant with money. I also noticed the fat wad of twenty-dollar bills that he kept pulling out of his pocket. I started thinking about my moms missing credit card and started to feel an urgency to find out the truth. We were hanging out at his friends house, a fellow drug dealer. My eyes were beginning to water from the heavy cloud of cigarette smoke irritating my contact lenses. I was casually watching the game of darts that was between the owner of the house and one of his chronic customers that liked to hang around to get turned on to free dope.

Kyle was talking to a friend of his who wanted to buy some ice. Kyle was digging through his pockets to find the plastic bags so he could give him a $50 bag. He was having a hard time finding them so he began emptying his pockets and dumping the contents onto the table. A familiar item caught my eye; It looked like it was a black leather carrying case that held my mothers credit cards. I shot out of my seat and walked over to the table and snatched the case. I opened it up and sure enough the cards read “Kristina I. Mullen.” My heart sank and my blood boiled. Kyle shot out of his chair and snatched it away from me.

“ What the hell is wrong with you Kyle? Are crazy? I can’t believe this!” I screamed.

Kyle frowned and said softly, “I’m sorry, babe. I’m gonna just use the money to buy dope and then I’ll pay it all back plus interest. Please don’t tell your mom.”

“ She’s gonna find out,” I told him, “or the cops will anyway. Give me back the cards, now.”

He looked at me but gave no sign that he was going to give the credit cards back. I ran out of the house and down the street to the payphones by the bus stop next to Salt Lake Shopping Center. My heart was beating so fast and hard that I could feel my head throbbing. I dialed my home number and noticed how badly my hands were shaking. I kept looking back towards the house I had just run out of and was fearfully looking to see Kyle running towards me. I was sure he knew exactly why I was running, to call my mother so I could go home and I’d surely tell her what he did. I turned my back to the house as I heard my mother pick up the phone.

“ Hello.” Her voice sounded worried and sad. “Mom, I know who it was,” I said with urgency.

“ Steffani, what are you talking about? Where are you? Are you okay?”

“ Mom, just listen to me. Call all your credit cards and report them stolen. Look, I will call you later…”

A hand reached out and turned me around. I hung up the phone and stood there in fear. I knew it was Kyle, I just didn’t know what he was going to do.

“ Who the hell were you talking to?” Kyle thundered. “You called your mom didn’t you? Didn’t I tell you not to tell anyone where you or I am?!”

“ I didn’t,” I wailed. “I called her but I didn’t even get to say anything to her before you came and I hung up.”

“ From now on just don’t call your mom or anyone else. I don’t want any one to know where I am. I’ll make the money back and give it to her okay, just don’t make me have to hurt you. Steff, sometimes you make me so mad that I just want to wring your neck!”

Kyle came towards me, I stepped back and slammed into the payphone. He grabbed my neck with his two hands and he began to squeeze it tightly. I stayed calm because I wanted him to continue. I was hoping that someone nearby would notice and call the police. Nobody did notice, and he eventually let go and began apologizing and hugging me. At this point I felt numb. I was so confused, hurt, angry, and afraid all at the same time that I was just empty. I didn’t know how to react. I stood there while he hugged me and gazed at the pavement. I studied the little rocks and their jagged little edges. A car whizzed past us and sent several rocks skipping along the road. I felt as though Kyle was the car, speeding through my life without a thought about who or what was in his path just concerned with traveling to his next destination. I was the little rock, disturbed and tossed from my place with no thought at all.

“ Lets go,” Kyle said as he grabbed me and pulled me along. I was in such a daze that I didn’t know what to say or have the coherence to argue.

We went back to his friend’s house and he made arrangements to use a car and to have someone rent him a hotel room for three days. Everything was like a dull dream. I just heard mumbling and was so mixed up that I couldn’t even focus on comprehending the words being spoken. I remember Kyle telling me that we were leaving and to get up. We walked to an aquamarine colored Acura Integra, which I knew was stolen, and he opened the passenger door and told me get in. I could tell by the look on his face that he had been smoking a lot of ice at the house before we left. His eyes were large and round as though he was high and they kept darting around to be aware of everything going on.

We drove in silence to the Ala Moana Hotel; a friend had rented him a room there for three days. We got into the hotel lobby and went to the elevator. We got off at the fifth floor and he directed me to the room. He opened the door and put my bags of clothing down on the carpet. I looked around; it was a typical hotel room. It was a room with a single bed and a bathroom to the left of me. I was relieved to see the big bed because I felt extremely drained and exhausted at the events that had taken place in that crazy day. Kyle sat down on the chair in front of the bed and was unwrapping his glass pipe from an eyeglass pouch that he used to carry it in. I changed into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt while he dumped a bag of ice into the pipe and pulled out a torch lighter. I sat down on the bed, across from him, and watched him in disgust. He held the pipe and rocked it side to side and inhaled for a several seconds while lighting it with the lighter. As he let go of the lighter he cooled the pipe on a wet rag that had been set on the table. There was a scorching sound similar to when a hot frying pan is placed under cold water. I looked at his face as he released a massive cloud of smoke. The smoke hid his face from mine and slowly cleared. As it cleared I looked into his eyes and saw absolutely nothing. It was though he wasn’t even a person anymore. They say eyes are the windows to the soul and I looked into the window and saw nothing but a massive hole of darkness. He held the pipe in my direction and offered me a hit.

“ Nah, I’m gonna sleep,” I told him. “Aren’t you gonna sleep at all? How long you been up for anyway?”

“ No need sleep. I gave that up a long time ago. I quit sleeping is a bad habit,” he said as he laughed sarcastically. “Hmm… I think I’m going on six days already,” He told me as he picked up the pipe. I watched him smoke like an obsessed zombie. He took hit after hit until I drifted off into sleep to the sounds of the pipe cooling.

I woke up nine or ten hours later alone in the hotel room. I sat there for a while and my eyes rested on the room phone. I picked up the phone and attempted to call my mother.

A lady answered with a warm and friendly voice, “Front desk, how can I help you?” “Can I make local calls?” I asked weakly.”Well, you’d need to come down to the lobby and pay a fifty dollar deposit so you can use the phone.” “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

I sat there digging through my purse, I had about thirty dollars so I decided to try and use the pay phone. I put the money into my pocket and found that I had no room key. So if I left I wouldn’t be able to come back in. I sat back down to think about what I should do and I suddenly heard the door open. It was Kyle and he looked even more worn out than when I had gone to sleep.

“ Did you sleep till now?” He asked.

“ Yeah.” I replied.

“ Well, I gotta go back out for a little while. Okay?” He said hurriedly.

“ Actually, I need a room key,” I said, hoping he wouldn’t question why.

“ For what?” Kyle asked.

“ I’m hungry and I can’t leave to get food because I’ll be locked out of the room,” I quickly lied.

“ Here.” He tossed me the card that you insert into the door lock to open the room. “I’ll get a second key from the front desk. Hey, you better be here when I get back.”

I didn’t answer. He left and I waited until I thought he was gone before I decided to go downstairs to make my phone call. I grabbed the key and headed towards the lobby. I asked the lady at the front desk who was wearing a bright pink muumuu if she knew where the payphones were.

“ Sure, right around the other side of this desk.” I peered over at where she was directing me. It was right in front of the glass sliding doors that lead to the street.

“ Are there any others in the building?”

“ Well, if you go through that door back there and follow the hall down to housekeeping you’ll see a payphone back there,” she responded with a smile.

“ Thanks,” I said as I walked towards the door. I rushed down until I saw the payphone. I called my house and I listened to the phone ring about three times. At that moment I saw Kyle coming towards me and I heard my mother answer the phone. He stood there in front of me just leaning over the payphone and listening.

“ Hello?” My mother said again.

Trying to think quickly I said, “Hello? Nicole, whats up?”

“ Steffani? It’s me your mommy, not Nicole.” I was so nervous that Kyle would figure out what I was trying to do before my mom did.

“ Nicole, it’s me Steff,” I said. At this point my mom caught on.

“ Steffani, he’s there right now isn’t he?”

I could only say,”Yeah.”

“ Steffani, where are you?” I stayed silent, knowing that Kyle was listening and waiting for me to make a mistake.

“ Steffani, do you want to come home but he won’t let you?” She asked with concern and fear.

“ Yup,” I tried to respond casually but my voice began to crack and tears began to well up in my eyes. I knew he was going to catch on so I hung up the phone quickly. I walked past him and went up to the hotel room. He was glaring at me the whole time and I couldn’t take it any more.

“ How could you do this to me?!” I screamed.

“ Do what?” Kyle replied, as if he truly had no idea what I was talking about.

“ Look, you can stop bullshitting me cause I know you stole the ring from my mom and took my watch too,” I exploded.

A look of rage came over him and he was clenching his jaw and gritting his teeth. He came towards me and I backpedaled as he threw me hard against the sliding door of the closet, which knocked the door off of its track. I looked at him with defiance but then quickly looked down to avoid another outburst. He walked into the bathroom and I stared at him.

“ Whoa,” I said, “You better take a good look at yourself in the mirror, cause you’re losin’ it big time. You’re so not well.” I turned around and he slammed the door shut, a second later I heard the shower running.

I quickly got up and put all my belongings that were laying around into my bags. I gathered all my things and rushed out of the hotel room. I looked over my shoulder repeatedly, afraid he’d come charging down the hall at any moment. I pressed the elevator button and it seemed to take forever to come. Each second felt like minutes but the elevator finally came. I got inside and frantically pushed the button to close the door. I got down to the lobby and headed to Ala Moana Shopping Center so that he’d have a hard time finding me.

As I was leaving the hotel, I noticed several police cars and uniformed officers as well as what looked to be plain clothes officers as well. I was wearing a hat so I just kept my head down and walked to the mall. As I reached the mall though I began to feel sorry for Kyle. For what reason I still don’t know. Anyway, I decided to call him and warn him about the police but the phone just rang over and over. I hung up and at that point I decided I was going home. I walked to Mcully Shopping Center and called a taxi from there. The cab operator said a taxi would be there right away. I called the hotel room again and it rang a few times, suddenly someone picked up the phone. I was about to blurt out, “The cops are downstairs you’d better get out of there,” when I heard a man say, “Detective Harris, HPD.” I panicked and hung up the phone. Whoa, he had already been arrested.

A few seconds later I saw my taxi pulling up and I picked my bags up and began walking towards the street so I could just hop into the taxi. Just as I was reaching the taxi a car came speeding behind and cut the taxi driver off. To my horror, it was Kyle in the stolen Acura!

“ Get in!” Kyle said. I hesitated and the taxi driver gave me a puzzled look. “Don’t make me get out and drag you in, get inside the car!” He roared. I got in and he took off speeding down the road. Kyle was wound up and huffing and puffing as though he had just sprinted a mile. He began talking in this excited and amazed voice. I was just afraid that he knew I was planning on going home just as he had pulled up.

“ Holy crap, you would not believe what the hell just happened. I had just gotten out of the shower and got dressed when I heard a knock at the door. I looked out of the peep hole and saw cops along with hotel security right out side. I put on my shoes and they were banging on the door. So I jumped off the balcony and ran to the car and dug out. Whoa, that was nuts! But shit, I forgot the damn dope!”

“ Well at least you got away,” I said.

“ Ha! Screw that, we’re going to Salt Lake for a little while and then I’m going back. I gotta get my dope.”

“ What? Kyle, are you stupid? I called the room and a fucking detective answered the phone. You know it’s a trap and they’re just waiting for you to actually be dumb enough to go back there. I can’t believe the dope is that important to you.” He didn’t respond and we rode in silence the rest of the way to Salt Lake. I waited in the stolen car while he went into his friend’s house for about 15-20 minutes. He came back into the car and started to head back to Waikiki.

I couldn’t help but say, “I can’t believe you are going back. It seems like you want to get arrested. I mean, isn’t your freedom worth way more than whatever you left there?”

“ You like irritate me?” Kyle asked. “How’s about I stop the car right now and you can get out, I no like hear your mouth right now!”

I decided to stay quiet since we were driving on the freeway and didn’t want to be forced to get out in the middle of the freeway. Kyle was transformed into this evil maniac and I felt he was a total stranger to me now. Who knew what he was capable of? I certainly didn’t feel brave enough to test his limits at that point. Prior to this crazy incident, Kyle had never put his hands on me and suddenly in the disastrous course of two days he had strangled me and threw me around and didn’t seem to feel very guilty or sorry about it at all. I kept thinking to myself, is this the real Kyle that was hiding underneath the act that I had seen for several months? It was kind of hard to believe this monster was the same person that I had been involved with for all that time.

We got near the Ala Moana Hotel and he pulled into a back road that had a hidden alley that led directly to the hotel. I still couldn’t believe he really wanted to go back in there, I mean that sounded crazy! He got out of the car and slammed the door. He walked away from without looking at me or saying a word, I guess because we were both angry at each other. Although I was angry and a large part of me hated him, there was still a part of me that cared for him. I was relieved to think that he would be arrested but I did wish that he had at least said goodbye.

I was very nervous and uncomfortable waiting in that stolen car. I was worried about the cops seeing me in the stolen car so I reclined my seat all the way back. I looked at the time, I told myself that if Kyle didn’t return in fifteen minutes that he had been arrested for sure. I waited and stared up at the roof of the car. It was a dirty blue fabric that was stained and had several holes from cigarette burns. The fabric had once been tightly fastened to the roof of the car but over the years had begun to sag and droop from the roof the same way it does off of an elderly person. I studied it as the minutes ticked by; fifteen, twenty, then thirty minutes passed. I knew he had most definitely been arrested but I just sat there feeling dumb and not knowing what to do next.

Eventually there was a knock at the window and I instinctively opened the car door. Standing in front of me was a tall African-American man wearing denim shorts and a T-shirt. He pulled something that was hanging from his neck out of his shirt and revealed a police badge.

“ Are you Steffani Mullen?” he asked calmly.

“ Mm-hmm” I answered.

“ Would you mind stepping out of the car and coming with me to answer some questions?” I got out of the car and followed him into a police vehicle.

He drove to the back of the hotel where about five other police cars and officers were waiting. I peered around trying to spot Kyle. My eyes landed on him, he was handcuffed. He was just staring at the ground and an officer was beside him while a detective was questioning him. When he finally looked up and met eyes with me I tried desperately to spot an emotion. I saw a look of guilt, pain, but mostly a sense of shame. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. I was relieved yet it was a very painful and tragic time.

Now, it has been about three years since Kyle was arrested. He is still in jail as I write this and he has been there for three years. I correspond with him every once in a while but I am no longer that naïve girl that I once was. I have learned that trust needs to be earned and that people have the ability to turn on you and transform and you need to be aware of it when it happens. I have been able to finally forgive him and I know that he has paid for what he has done with three years of his life but no matter how much time passes, I will never be able to forget the pain that he has put me through. This hardest part of all of this is trying not to let this experience get in the way of new relationships and trying to develop a deep sense of trust with someone again. I have mainly learned though that it is important to follow your head and not your heart.