In the middle of the Indo-Chinese peninsula of Southeast Asia lies Laos, a small country which has an area of 91,400 square miles. In Laos, society is strictly patriarchal. Although the Laotian constitution states that "Lao citizens, irrespective of their sex, social status, education, faith, and ethnic group are equal before law…," it is a misleading statement. Men still have superiority over women today. This superiority of the male carries into fields of education, employment and even the basic family structure. Men may have concubines or mistresses. No females have positions in the Laotian government. Monarchies are passed on from father to son, creating a caste system in which there is very little movement up or down. Because many Laotians have emigrated to America and Hawai'i to seek new opportunities, contact with other cultures and new ways of life are changing some parts of Laotian culture. Some families have resided in Hawai'i for some time and are now raising second-generation Laotian Americans.

In Laos, although society is patriarchal, Laotians practice the system of matrilocal residence. In Laos marriage usually takes place around the age of 16. The couple then resides with the wife's family. Families arrange to marry their sons or daughters with other families of their class; wealthy families usually marry other families of wealth. It is not out of the ordinary for arranged marriages to be set up for financial reasons. Sometimes distant cousins marry to keep the bloodline pure and to keep the power and the wealth in the family. In the courtship process girls never speak to guys without supervision. A man displays his affection for a woman by helping her with her chores. For instance, if a woman had to carry something, the man would either walk with her or carry her load. If the woman had similar feelings for the man, she would accept his help,- if she simply ignored him, that was indication she was not interested in him. In order to take her out on a date, the man would have to meet her parents to show respect and take a brother or sister on the date with them as a supervisor. Although marriages are arranged, men still have to follow this procedure to court their future wives, and if the woman refuses her arranged husband, the man's family would lose face in society.

Many of these aspects of the Laotian Culture have been virtually abandoned in Hawaii. Here, the couple will usually marry later and reside alone or with either set of parents. Marriages are not arranged, and notes in class or long nights on the phone suffice as the courting process. The tradition and respect for the family is lost as a complex but honorable process has been cut short and simplified.

A part of Laos that lives on in Hawai'i is the relationships among the peoples from areas near Laos. The Mekong River separates Thailand from Laos with the Thai inhabiting from the north and the Laotians inhabiting from the south. Laotians were once the slaves of the Thai and so the Thai people look down upon the Laotians. Similarly, the Laotians look down upon the Vietnamese, who are located south of Laos because they are more impoverished than the Laotians. These relationships have carried over to Hawai'i, as each group usually does not get along with the other. 1, personally, have seen this take place within my life. One of my friends who is Laotian is dating a Vietnamese girl. Both of them have to deal with their families all the time and the fact that their relationship is seen as unacceptable.

Laotians traditionally have very large families; in Laos, birth control was banned in 1976. The trend is towards small families since emigration to Hawai'i. Families in Laos are very tight and usually include the entire village. Everyone in the village knows each other and the last names of families are usually linked to the village they belong to. This sense of closeness has survived the move to Hawai'i. Nearly all Laotians know each other and hold parties or ceremonies that every Laotian usually attends.

Another way that Laotian families stay close is the care of a newborn. The mother may not have to care for the child during the first three months because other family members volunteer to care for the baby during the day or night while the mother rests. The first-born son in each family is very important. He will carry on the family name and, in most cases, the family business. The patriarchal way of life still exists in Hawai'i.

Education in Hawai'i is far superior to that in Laos. Laotian-Americans are receiving a better education than their parents did, and both boys and girls are allowed equal opportunity to learn and succeed in Hawai'i. In Laos, men are educated while girls are left to farm and work. Math and science are not even taught in Laos, and there is only one major university, the University of Laos. The first generation Laotian-Americans, however, must find jobs in Hawai'i. Because of their inadequate education, most Laotians families are not very wealthy. There are a large number of Laotians living in the Kalihi Park Terrace (KPT), a low income government housing project. Though there are few Laotians who do succeed in Hawai'i, the majority do not.

However, Laotians here enjoy a greater sense of security because the police and laws are more reliable. The statistic showing that Hawaii's crime rate far exceeds that of Laos is very misleading. There is actually a lot of crime in Laos that goes unreported. The crimes that do get reported usually aren't looked into with great interest unless one is wealthy or a policeman is bribed. People choose not to report most crimes because they like to take care of things themselves and because of the extremely corrupt nature of the police. Foreigners are usually not welcomed in Laos; they are treated unfairly by the police as well as by some of the people. For instance, if a foreigner wanted to buy something that would usually cost a dollar (the Laotian currency is the Kip which usually is nine hundred to a dollar), they would probably have to pay five or ten dollars.

Although much tradition has been abandoned by Laotian-Americans, they still hold many traditional ceremonies, both religious (nearly all Laotians are Buddhist) and festive. The major ceremony is the called the Baci. It is designed to concentrate the spiritual force of the person in whose honor it is given. The Baci is held for many occasions, such as marriage, birthday, or before or after embarking on a long journey. After chanting by a monk or former monk, white yarn is tied around the person for future happiness and success. The Baci itself is a triangle made of banana leaves and flowers, surrounded by candles. Under the triangle are fruits and a whole chicken. Another ceremony celebrates the birth of a child. The ceremony itself is called Hotnam and is held for a one-month-old baby. The monk pours water down the back of the baby for good luck. Both ceremonies are still practiced by Laotian- Americans in Hawai'i. Laotians also hold ceremonies for the Laotian New Year (Songkran), death, and housewarmings.

Food is a major part of the ceremonies A lot of the food is the same as that served in Laos. Because of Laos' distance from the ocean, freshwater fish are eaten more regularly than saltwater fish. Such fish include trout, catfish, and bass. Lime juice, lemon grass and fresh coriander leaves are major seasonings in most foods and give the dish its characteristic taste. To salt or season the food, Laotians use a fish sauce called Nam Paa and Pan Daek. Pan Daek is made of chunks of freshwater fish, rice husks, and rice dust. Other common seasonings include the Galingale root, hot chili peppers, ground peanuts and coconut milk. A popular dish both in Laos and here in Hawai'i is Pho, which is made with rice noodles. One cannot go five minutes in Chinatown without finding a restaurant that serves Pho. Another dish, Khao Pun, is flour noodles topped with a sweet-spicy sauce and is often referred to as "Lao Spaghetti." Laap is a popular Lao style salad of minced meat, fish, or vegetables tossed with lime juice, garlic, Khao Khua (roasted, powdered rice), green onions, and chili peppers. It can be very spicy or mild, depending on how many chili peppers are used. The major ingredient used in Laos is sticky or glutinous rice. It is the major crop of Laos and is usually eaten with the hands or made into alcohol. Usually a person grabs a small fistful from a container of rice sitting on the table and rolls it into a ball which is dipped into the sauces of various dishes.

The overall attitude of Laotians has somewhat changed. First-generation Laotians are much more polite, proper, stricter in cultural observances than the second generation. First- generation Laotians traditionally greet people with a prayer like gesture known as a Wai or Nop. In doing the Wai, a person places hands together at chest level, never touching the body. The higher the hands are held, the greater sign of respect, although they should never be any higher than the nose. Respect is shown with a slight bow shortly after. It is also believed by first generation Laotian-Americans that the feet are the lowest part of the body, and thus should not be pointed at others. Although some second generations Laotian-Americans still do observe these practices when in the presence of their parents or grandparents, most are more Americanized and rebel against old customs and culture. Greetings such as a handshake or wave are predominantly used much like any other American Would.

Over the past few months I have had the privilege of attending certain Laotian parties and ceremonies. But before I describe my account,, at such events, it seems necessary to talk about my Laotian friend who invited me to these occasions and her family's story of why they immigrated to Hawai'i. My friend, Soutsada Southarnmavong was born to Sane and Thongma Southammavong in Vientiane, a village in Laos, on November 25, 1978. Her father, Sane, fought in the Vietnam War and also the war between France, China, Thailand and Cambodia over who would rule Laos. Like most men in his squadron, he took a bribe and became a spy for the United States. In doing so, these soldiers were branded as traitors and were not welcome back into Laos. And so in 1975 he went to a concentration camp in Thailand. After the birth of Soutsada, Sane's wife, 'Thongma, went to join her husband in the concentration camp in 1979. The family stayed there for eight years after going through the process of trying to immigrate to America many, many times. In order to come to America the family needed to have their name selected by a sponsor who would literally take care of the family, providing transportation arid settling them in America. From the concentration camp the family moved to the island of Maui where they now own a Thai restaurant. Soutsada graduated from Baldwin High School and currently attends the University of Hawai'i at Manoa. Her story illustrates the most predominant reason how and why Laotians immigrated to the United States in the seventies and eighties.

Unlike most Laotian-Americans, she did go back to Laos two years ago under an assumed name. Only her mother accompanied her on this trip as her father could be imprisoned or killed if caught returning to Laos. It was in Laos that she and her mother discovered long lost family members they did not know exist. Soutsada met her grandmother for the first time. Upon arriving in Laos, Soutsada and her mother were met by the grandmother and taken to a Buddhist temple near the village of Phakayoung. At this temple was a Baci ceremony waiting for Soutsada. She remembers the triangle made of leaves and many floral arrangements around it. There were also four to five Buddhist monks chanting and praying around her as one of the monks poured the water down her back to offer her good luck. Also during her stay in Laos, she saw the man she was supposed to have married, an arrangement her family had with another family before they moved to the concentration camp.

The first Laotian gathering I attended was a housewarming party for one of Soutsada's friends who had just bought a home in Waikele. When I arrived at the house, it was packed full of people. Also, Laotians are very friendly and polite, and every family attended the housewarming. I learned that the families are very close and if one were not to attend, they would lose face with the other families that showed up. Women were busy cooking both in and out of the house while the men seemed to be socializing and getting drunk on beer. Upon entering the house I was introduced to the family and was greeted with a wai. (prayer-like gesture). I did my best to do the wai properly but was told that I held my hands too high. The family was impressed and flattered that I even knew what a wai was and appreciated the gesture, though incorrect. I was escorted in and I introduced to the men while Soutsada went off to help out with the cooking. Though I participated in the conversation occasionally, most of the men talked in Laotian and I could not understand them. When the women served the food to us, I had Pho and a kind of catfish along with springrolls. Everything tasted great although extraordinarily spicy. After dinner a dessert of banana mochi wrapped in ti leaves was served. They also had a coconut mochi that I did not have the opportunity of tasting.

The family members started to file out at around 12 a.m., and every guest that left was thanked by the eldest son for coming because the mother was too busy cooking and the father was too drunk. I left at 1:30 a.m. and was again shown the wai by the son. I returned the gesture (correct this time). Even when I left, the immediate families were still there with the men drinking and the women cleaning up the dishes and garbage. A couple of things that became apparent to me were that patriarchy still exists within Laotian families here in Hawai'i. Though the men do not order the women around, the women serve and the men socialize.

Another Laotian gathering I was lucky enough to attend was a wedding. The ceremony itself lasted nearly five hours. Instead of an altar, there was a bed where the priest conducted the ceremony. The bride wore a golden dress and walked down to the Baci ahead of the groom, unlike an American wedding in which the bride is the last to arrive at the altar. The groom wore a white and blue kilt-like cloth around his waist. Behind the bride and groom were about twenty or thirty people splashing water along the walkway The groom and bride took their seats in front of the Baci, and like the rest of the people in attendance, they sat on the ground with the men sitting crosslegged and the women on their knees with their feet behind them. The priest conducting the ceremony interacted with the people in attendance several times by talking to us in a prayer as we chanted with him.

As a part of the ceremony an egg was cut with a string. If it is cut neatly, it will bring the couple good luck and a good life; but if cut awkwardly, then problems are sure to follow. Much to everyone's delight, the egg was cut in half very nicely. After the ceremony everyone walked to the Baci on their knees and tied a white yarn around the couple's wrists. This brings good luck not only to themselves, but to the newlyweds as well.

After the ceremony everyone went to the bride's family's house to eat and dance. Much of the same type food from the housewarming was served and most of the people in attendance were at the housewarming as well. The dancing lasted for three nights and four days (although I stayed for only around three hours) and they played a variety of Laotian and American songs as well. Much to my surprise, the most popular song in Laos is the Macarena! In order to dance, a man must ask a woman and wai them. If the woman wais the man in return, she accepts; but if she looks away then that means she rejects the offer. Everyone was very friendly, and I met and danced with a lot of people. Ironically the only girl who did not wai me back was Soutsada!

The last Laotian ceremony I attended was the Laotian New Year, or Songkran, which is held April 13-15. The festival, which was held on Sand Island Beach Park, had nearly every Laotian family on O'ahu attendance. It was very similar to the housewarming party, only much bigger. There were all kinds of food and most of the time I didn't even know what I was eating; all I knew was that my mouth was on fire and 1 spent most of my time sucking on ice. One thing that was really delicious was the glutinous rice that was dipped into the foods. Although it can be quite messy, it is really easy to prepare and eat and as well. Similar to the housewarming, the women were busy serving everyone and making more food while the men were socializing and getting drunk.

After most of the people had eaten, the men played music with drums, guitars, and many other instruments I had never seen before. People began to dance and I tried my best to participate. It was very similar to the Bon dance that Japanese do and the hula in that they move their hands up and down while moving back and forth. Everyone seemed to be going in unison except for me. The gathering usually lasts all day from 6 a.m. to around 10 p.m., but this particular year it rained and so it was cut a little short. Everyone was again very kind and sociable. I learned that criticizing another person would result in loss of face to everyone else. Perhaps that is why I was not laughed at and ridiculed when attempting to engage in their customs and culture.

Most Laotian-Americans told me they are very happy and appreciative to be living in Hawai'i rather than Laos. The strict government of Laos and the inequalities there are not viewed highly by those who have immigrated. A new way of life is being formed in Hawai'i while they still manage to hold onto different aspects of their own culture as well. But with each generation that grows up in Hawaii, a part of the culture is lost as the people become more assimilated into the American way of life. While it may not be significant or helpful to remember the strife their predecessors had to endure to get here, it is important for following generations to carry on the traditions and ceremonies which hold all Laotians close.

My friend Soutsada seems to be the exception to most second generation Laotian-Americans as she is extremely polite and always helps out with cooking or the dishes or just getting things for us from the kitchen. But most importantly, she is very close to her family and the Laotian culture itself The thing that impressed me the most and what I take away from my experiences with them and their culture, is the bond that is held by Laotian families and Laotians in Hawai'i as a whole. The sense of togetherness shared by all Laotians must not be lost for it is one of the major factors which makes their culture so beautiful and unique. If not, the best aspects of their culture and identity will be gone and a once honorable and unique culture will be lost. They are different from Americans in many ways, and unlike Americans, their family values and togetherness are admirable and those values are kept alive through traditions and beliefs. I see those beliefs as a rare gem in an otherwise bleak world and if lost., the gem would become a lost treasure. And once a treasure is lost, it is rarely found again.