When we are first able to comprehend thoughts, we are each instilled by society with different notions, morals, and expectations. When I was a child, my father Ikarios, who raised me with love and nobility, would tell me mythological tales, and I would frequently envision myself lying in serenity on the soft emerald carpet of grass which sparkles in the golden sunlight. Blinding Helios' dazzling rays of sunlight illuminate Ithaka as if they are mystical gleaming, golden staircases to the home of the gods above.

Suddenly, a dark shadow falls upon me, rending me from my beautiful sight. I rise up and gasp as a silver blade is forced up against my throat. A man dressed in black is standing close before me, and I let out a shrill scream as his enormous hands cover my face. I am in complete darkness as I feel the blade piercing my skin, anticipating my descent to Hades. Suddenly, the darkness vanishes and I open my eyes to a man dressed in white standing above me, the blazing sun behind him creating the illusion of radiance from his glittering body, making him appear to be an immortal. He smiles at me dashingly and offers me his hand, as the crimson blood from the man in black drips slowly from his long sword. He kisses me and takes me off into the sunset to live with him for all eternity in happiness, love, and fame.

My vivid imaginations have led me to better understand that each woman is on a constant quest to find love, to find her soul mate, her perfect match, her hero. Some women settle for less than their ideal fantasy men of perfection, but I , Penelope, would not give up on my quest to find this hero, the only man who belonged in my heart, and after endless years of searching, I have found him. We have lived in love for a long while and we have borne a wonderful child named Telemachos, but then one day my hero had to leave me, for he had other heroic feats to obtain. He has not returned since, though it has been 20 years, and in the duration savage suitors have ravaged our household, wasted our substance, and indulged upon the servants. These suitors are forcing me to choose one of them for marriage, although I know in my heart that just as my imaginary hero once came and saved me during childhood, Odysseus shall someday return and save me from these vicious suitors. I await and anticipate his return for a variety of reasons, for I must fulfill my duty as an obedient and loving wife and remain faithful until his final return.

I sit gazing out of my windowpane at the silver, dancing stars, seeming to be woven into the black fabric of the night. "How can you dance so merrily, when you are trapped in a world of darkness?" I thought to myself, as a glassy tear trickled from my sorrowful eyes. It is then that a rapping at my door disturbs my thoughts. The door creaks open slowly and there stands Melantho, my cherished maid. She comes and sits beside me at the window. "Penelope," she speaks softly, "the other servants and I are worried about you. Why do you lament here in your room each night? Your radiant color has been washed from your face with these tears, and we fear that your sadness shall send you to the house of Hades, just as it has done to Odysseus' mother, Antikleia. Why do you not simply choose one of the fine suitors and give up the futile hope of Odysseus ever returning?"

"My dear Melantho, each night I hurl myself onto my beautiful bed and weep tears of agony and grievance for my loving Odysseus who is the only man who shall ever fulfill my childhood image of a hero. There are many suitors who have brought me fine presents, although I feel that none can measure up to the greatness of the man that Odysseus was, before he 'went to that evil, not- to-be mentioned Ilion' (595). Odysseus was a godlike man, who was extremely resourceful, a divine warrior, and greatly respected 'whose fame goes wide throughout Hellas and midmost Argos' (36). He is my soul mate and I love him dearly. Nowhere in the land is there another who will make me feel the way he did, as Antinoos also admitted (311) that there is no man who measures up to the kind of man that Odysseus once was," I spoke, the tears spilling from my eyes.

"Penelope, Odysseus has been gone 20 years. Do you not think that he would want you to be happy and find another husband?"

"No. Before Odysseus left for the 'evil not-to be mentioned Ilion' (595), he gave me specific instructions that when Telemachos is grown and 'bearded', then I may make myself another husband (277), and I will follow these instructions that my love has bestowed upon me, above all consequence. I must be an obedient wife to my love, the great Odysseus, and carry out his orders dutifully. Although," I said with a laugh, "I know that I am bestowed upon with 'cleverness' by Athene (42), and I shall not make waste of the mockery that these suitors are making on my household. I shall take advantage of the situation, by captivating the suitors into bestowing upon me lavish gifts, although my mind has no intent of marrying them, therefore making a great name for myself (42). I shall tease them and enchant them with cunning words, so that they will be at my beck and call. I suppose that eventually I shall have to marry one of the wretched suitors, because Zeus has condemned me to a life of misery, but as for now, my plans are to delay marriage by making a shroud for Laertes. I am clever, however, and I also anticipate that some man may come to me and try to deceive me with words into believing that he is the long awaited Odysseus (340). There are many men with wicked intentions, and for this reason I must be extremely skeptical ......

"But Penelope," interrupted Melantho. "You are so beautiful, and your home is being ravaged by these insolent suitors..."

"What you do not understand, Melantho, is I do not want to give up my beautiful home, for I shall be forced to leave it once I accept a husband. I shall have to go away with that strange man to his own home and forsake this glorious place full of good living, which serves as a shroud for infinite glorious memories. 'I think that even in my dreams I shall never forget it' (311). Here in this home, I have become a bride, I have borne a son and raised a family. No other home in Ithaka, or throughout the entire world for that matter, shall ever be able to equal the serenity and glorious pastimes en captured within these sacred walls. As for my beauty, that was taken from me the day that Odysseus departed for that 'evil not-to-be mentioned Ilion' (289). Not only did the sea sweep away my beloved Odysseus, but it washed away my beauty as well. Just as the black, salty, unrelenting waves of Poseidon slowly crumble away the beautiful, glittering, sand castles built by innocent children, grain by golden grain, it has also drained away my innocence, vitality, and strength, day by heart wrenching day. If Odysseus were to return to me once again, he would restore all of these virtues to my withering soul and 'my reputation would be even more great and splendid' (285) than it is now. If Odysseus returns, Telemachos would also be given fame and respect, and he would be able to hold his noble head high with strength and pride. You see, I love my son with all of my heart, and for all of these great reasons, I shall endure the pain, loneliness, chastity, and the torment of the suitors in hopes that my beloved hero shall have his long awaited homecoming."

Melantho sighs, and I ask her to accompany me down to where the suitors are having their late night feasts, to speak to Telemachos, for it is not ladylike and proper to go among such men alone. We descend the staircase, and 'I hold my shining veil in front of my face to shield it' (311). Towards the bottom of the staircase, I hear the sweet voice of Demodokos serenading the rowdy suitors, with a song of valiant Odysseus and the Trojan war. With that, tears begin to well up in my glassy eyes and stream down my cheeks, for my heart longs for my loving husband to return and make my life right once again. We walk slowly down the dimly lit staircase toward the bright light at the end of the stairway where the suitors are feasting. Suddenly, two silhouettes appear from the bright light, and Melantho and I stop abruptly. As my eyes become accustomed to the light, I realize that the two figures are my own beloved son, Telemachos, and the detested suitor, Eurymachos.

"Mother, why are you weeping?" Telemachos scolds forcefully. "It is only a song, and if you cannot remain hardened to the lyrics, then you should not be here. Go upstairs and take your serving maid with you! Go now, and lie down on your bed!"

I stare at him in shock, not being fully able to comprehend his forceful orders. Then I turn and walk slowly back up the stairs toward my chamber. The tears are still spilling down my cheeks like thin meandering streams. I feel extremely hurt and saddened, but I know that I must follow the orders of my loving son. I love Telemachos deeply and unconditionally, for he is the man of the household, and I must be obedient and subservient to his requests, as a good mother should be. I turn to make certain that Melantho is following behind me and catch just a glimpse of her stealing a short but passionate kiss from the dreaded suitor Eurymachos. I freeze in disbelief, and for a split second, I feel as if I could actually pierce her heart and penetrate her deceptive soul with my blazing glare. Melantho turns abruptly from Eurymachos and, smiling, she flounces up the staircase, unaware that I have witnessed the whole incident. I let her merrily follow me to my chambers, a ridiculous grin plastered on her deceitful face, as she smiles blissfully at the dreary walls of my household. I lead the way to my chambers in a silent rage. I have stopped my tears now, for my outrage and anger have taken over the tears and sorrow, and burn like a blazing fire within the heart in me.

When we have reached my chambers, I slowly close the door and latch it with the rusted hook, which was once golden when Odysseus was present and my chamber echoed with life and merriment. I can still hear the rowdy voices of the drunken suitors below, as they sing their joyous songs and devour my household and livelihood. Even when they are gone, their drunken chaotic bellowing still echoes in my mind. I turn to look at the blissfully dazed face of Melantho, the traitorous bitch who is lost in her own merry thoughts of betrayal. She smiles at me and speaks joyfully, "Penelope, you should just many a suitor...." Her words are halted abruptly in mid-sentence, and a petrified look washes over her face. The rosy color drains from her cheeks, which become a dead white, and she lets loose a terrified shriek, as I raise my arm and send it down upon her face with all the mighty force that still remains in my tormented soul.

As my hand impacts her face, I let loose all the blazing anger that has been festering inside of me, upon this unfaithful bitch. I slap her for all the pain and anguish inside of me for my loving Odysseus, as I will never find a hero and virtuous husband so great. I slap her for the repulsive suitors imprisoning me in my own household, while they ruin it and eat away at its sacred walls full of cherished memories. I slap her for my stolen beauty and my reputation, which would become greater once Odysseus returns. I slap her for my beloved Telemachos who deserves the honor and good stature that Odysseus would bring to him upon homecoming. I slap her for the sadness and hurt I feel when Telemachos shouts orders to me. I slap her for trying to make me break my promise of loyalty to Odysseus. I slap her for the duration of the 20 years in which I felt as if the man in black from my childhood fantasies was once again holding the silver blade to my throat, and I slap her for all humanity who are impeded upon by Zeus above with agony, misfortune, and torture.

Treacherous Melantho falls to the ground flimsily. Upon impact she grazes her head on the rusted latch of the door, like a bird flying high in the sky who is wounded by an archer and strikes its head upon a tree in its descent. It is then that a strange feeling washes over me, a feeling that I have not felt for 20 years. To my astonishment, the brightness and radiance return to my lifeless and desolate eyes, and my dreary lips slowly spread into a gleaming smile. It is then that for a brief instant, the echo and torments of the rowdy suitors fade, the rusted hook which fastens the door glitters with gold, and the man in black from my childhood fantasy has once again perished. It is also in this brief moment of triumph, that I am once again a queen in my own household, and I find that my long awaited hero has returned.... for inside of me shines the man in white.